


There's Nothing Wrong With an Ordinary Day

by GirlyTomboy



Category: Gintama
Genre: F/M, literally the title says it all, sorry OTL, this isnt really anything
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-03-07
Updated: 2015-03-07
Packaged: 2018-03-16 20:09:37
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,273
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3501281
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/GirlyTomboy/pseuds/GirlyTomboy
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Sometimes Sougo knew when to just relax and appreciate the rare tranquility that came with an uneventful, sunny afternoon. Other times Kagura was there to remind him that his definition of a relaxing, peaceful day consisted of name-calling, stupidly devious ice cream cones, and accidental slips of his tongue.</p>
            </blockquote>





	There's Nothing Wrong With an Ordinary Day

"Shit-eating government dog."

"Gluttonous fatty beast."

"Stupid Chihuahua."

"Illegal foreigner slave."

"Siscon with daddy issues. And I'll have you know Gin-chan's _my_ slave."

"Bollock-faced shitnugget."

"Monkey-toed wanker."

"Nipple licking, crooked teeth, cum spewing-"

"Oi, Sougo! Have a little manners, damn kid!" Sougo was definitely not expecting the immediate foot to his ass, too immersed in his daily round of "messing with China" - or so he liked to dub- to notice. But then again, he figured calling someone a "bollock-faced shitnugget" wasn't exactly the kindest thing to do.

'But I can't help it, this is China we're talking about here.'

"Take those manners and shove it up your loose ass. Then die, Hijikata." It seemed Sougo was feeling particularly courageous this fine morning, and if a fuming China beast who could snap bones like toothpicks wasn't enough to deter him, then the threat of a grumpy superior couldn't have either.

Sougo ignored the imminent slap to the backside of his head (if only he had his trusty bazooka) in favor of glaring at Kagura, Hijikata's trite words ignored by the young officer. And besides, it was his fault in the first place for intruding on China's and his daily verbal fight.

"Sougo, you shit-faced bastard. We have jobs. I'm not here to babysit a violent kid who would resort to bullying the girl he li-"

"Don't you dare finish that sentence, Mayo-freak." Hijikata discerned Sougo's menacing look, almost akin to the expression one would make at someone when they accidentally shared a deeply hidden secret for all the world to know. But a thousand times worse, of course. Hell, if Hijikata wasn't an expert in Sougo-nese, he would have already stabbed himself to save Sougo (and him) the trouble.

"Huh? Who're these people in their tax-robbing gorilla clothes talking their mouths off? Try'na pick a fight with our Kagura, Sofa-kun?" Gintoki broke in, his lazy drawl alerting the three to his presence- his lackadaisical, strawberry milk-loving, perm-haired presence. Somewhere behind him, Shinpachi was conversing with the Yorozuya client, all smiles and chivalry behind his pair of glasses- which of course meant he was utterly pissed at their boss for his habit of slacking off.

"Correction, I'm winning this one-sided fight right now, Danna." Kagura stuck her tongue out and blew a raspberry at her longtime rival, to which Sougo replied with that cheeky smirk of his. The chain smoker of a superior stood near him, currently inhaling his mayonnaise and directing his gaze on Gintoki instead.

"Y'know, you're not really cool with that mayo junk stuffed in your mouth, Hitsugaya Toshiro," Gintoki quipped. "It's ruining the beautiful scenery."

"You mean the one of you minding your own damn business?"

Various clangs and thuds resounded throughout the entire park as Gintoki and Hijikata clashed, their unbridled annoyance a very handy tool as it fueled their attacks. Clearly, these two were the epitome of perfect role models and everything good with humanity.

"Your shit'll be yellower than Patsuan's underwear stains!"

"Oi! Shut your goddamn mouth, Gin-san!"

"Oh yeah? Well the hairs on your ass are darker than that wooden sword of yours!"

"Oh-ho? Aren't you talking about your Gorilla boss, Mayo-freak?"

Meanwhile, two pairs of eyes rolled in exasperation. Sougo sighed as he sheathed the katana he was gripping in the midst of Kagura's and his verbal almost turned physical battle. With a small 'tch' and a flick of his finger, "Oi, China. These old geezers sure are making a ruckus. Wanna head over there?" Surprisingly, in the preponderance of Hijikata's and Gintoki's altercation, the two had reached a mutual ceasefire (thank goodness for any nearby civilians), and Kagura quickly agreed with a nod of her head.

Purple invaded Sougo's peripheral as she languidly opened her parasol with a fluid click, the canopy blossoming to its full size in a blinding flash- the signature _'schwoop'_ oddly nostalgic to the young officer's ears.

She remained oblivious to the intermittent halt of his footsteps, too occupied with adjusting herself away from the blazing sun. Unfortunately, Sougo noticed the protection of Kagura's parasol also shielded almost the entirety of her from the torso up- cerulean eyes, button nose, vermilion hair. Yeah, all that.

He ignored the irrational thought of this small gap between them being tantamount to a distance much much larger, and frowned at it.

"Are you constipated, Sadist? Gin-chan told me strawberry milk does wonders to your bowels," Kagura curiously remarked. It was amazing how genuinely innocent her observation was, yet she was still able to sound so sarcastically zany that Sougo didn't know whether to take it seriously or not at first.

"Why does everyone have either constipation or diarrhea in your eyes, China beast?" He nonchalantly asked. Kagura only shrugged in response, and popped open another box of her signature sukonbu. It seemed the initial adrenaline of provoking each other earlier had worn off early today. They resumed walking in silence.

"Hey, where are we going?" She finally shifted her parasol to give Sougo a clearer view of her face, a strip of her snack dangling unceremoniously between her pink lips. It was his turn to shrug again in response to her inquiry, the incessant tug in the back of his mind tempting him to look at the brilliant pair of blue he instinctively knew was focused on him.

"Away from our two no-life superiors, probably," Sougo said. Kagura seemed content with that answer and obscured her face with her umbrella again. The buzz of cicadas quickly filled the lull of their quiescent stroll, the playful screams and giggles of children in the distance an ambient complement.

The familiar chime of a bell rang. Kagura's ears perked.

"No." Sougo said.

"... Don't be a butt, Sadist. I want some," she readily argued. Her finger pointed square at the ice cream vendor known to frequent the park at the hour, pout already etched on her lips (the very same pair that had just finished the earlier strip of sukonbu).

"China's already gluttonous enough. She doesn't need any more diabetes." Sougo ignored the way her eyes shimmered a fierce blue, how she subconsciously inched just a tad bit forward in an attempt to intimidate him (it didn't work, by the way). Kagura tutted, her pout increasing tenfold as she released a whine of obvious discontent and glared at him.

He blanched. An unimpressed sigh, "Acting all tsun-tsun won't work, China. I know I'm your only source of money to pay for all the crap you inhale." He didn't miss the obscene swear she muttered under her breath, and certainly didn't miss the narrowing of aforementioned fierce and brilliant cerulean eyes, and how they turned into deep thought immediately after. He resumed his languid pace, even after Kagura had ceased to utter another complaint or whine.

Just when Sougo thought the bright sun and vaguely prickling discomfort would get the best of him and his black Shinsengumi uniform, a rustle came from his right. He had time to glimpse at the canopy of a purple parasol from his peripheral before the actual thing was hovering neatly over his head. Everything from the torso down immediately darkened, an involuntary sigh of contentment on the tip of his tongue. He watched the rest of the world drowning in the expanse of blinding yellow and blue and green.

"There," Kagura said, "Now you have no choice but to buy ice-cream for me. Even the Prince of Sadists can't run from the clutches of _my_ handy umbrella."

It took Sougo a while to register the implications of what the underlying intent of her statement, whether she purposely meant it or not. His lips quirked upward.

"Wallet. Now." The vermilion haired Yato bit out, feeling as entitled as ever. Uncharacteristically, he complied with her command and reached for his back pocket. When the duo had approached the vendor, and the old man working it gave Kagura a bright smile, only then did he have any inclination to reach for the money inside.

"One chocolate and one strawberry," Sougo requested before Kagura even had a chance to open her mouth. "And no, China. They don't have sukonbu flavor. Even if they did, I'm not buying you any." He blankly watched as the old man meticulously scooped their ice cream out, and completely ignored the raspberry she blew at him in childish insult.

The old man waved and rolled his cart away once the two cones were safely in Sougo's clutches, his wallet neatly inside his pocket again. Kagura's mouth watered at the sight of two perfectly round, perfectly sweet scoops of ice cream and exclaimed, "Thanks, Sadist! I'll try not to aim at your balls next time we fight." She immediately reached for the chocolate-

Only for Sougo to jerk it out of her reach.

"Who said these were for you?" Kagura only had the chance to gape at his words, his shit-eating grin the last thing she saw before the tops of both cones disappeared in his cavernous mouth. The content sigh that followed the sound of Sougo's gulp irked her more than it should have.

But then again, what monster would ever toy with someone like that? Especially when it came to the sweet, heavenly paradise that was ice-cream.

"W-Wha..." Kagura stuttered. Even someone of her caliber had to stop and stare at the atrocity that had just happened, a smirking Sougo only exacerbating the horror she felt. Not only did the heat start to get to her, but what could have possibly been melting on her tongue was now covered in... _Sadist Cooties_...

Ew.

Kagura blanched at his seemingly arbitrary decision, and the urge to kick him became as strong as ever. With a stomp of her foot, "Sadist, I was looking forward to that," she said matter-of-factly. Sougo licked the strawberry cone in response, paying her heed only when she pulled her parasol away from him, which he hadn't realized was over his head until the heat of the bright sun suddenly hit him full force.

"That's what you get, gluttonous China beast. Go roll your muffin tops somewhere else."

Sougo could only get a measly lick in before he was sent toppling to the ground.

"Oryaah! Haha, my muffin tops aren't rolling anywhere, bishie Sadist!" Kagura hollered. The enthusiastic Yato had tackled him down in the span of mere seconds, both cones landing neatly in her hand as she peered down at him in triumph. Kagura took the full three seconds for his head to stop reeling to stick her tongue out at him before swallowing the two scoops entirely. The waffle cones soon disappeared after.

"Guh... Get off of me, China..." Sougo complained. The heat was unbearably hot, he had a raging headache from when she slammed him into the ground (her monstrous strength was as relentless as ever), and he tried his hardest not to revel in the odd sensation of her weight rested comfortably atop his torso.

"Quit whining. I know I'm not that heavy," Kagura said. To prove it, she pushed her weight further down, and when Sougo showed no clear sign of distress or pain (mild annoyance didn't count), she curiously raised her eyebrow at him. "See? Oiiii, Sadist. Don't tell me you couldn't handle at least that much."

He could, and both of them knew it.

"Told you so. How dare a low-life police dog accuse the Queen of Kabukicho of having a muffin top."

Sougo had little time to prepare his mental barrier before Kagura lifted her shirt just enough for her stomach to appear in his line of view.

"See?"

He did see. He saw the smooth, creamy expanse, the toned lines subtly complementing said smooth and creamy skin, the slick beads of perspiration from the heat of the sun- which, by the way, wasn't lessening in the slightest.

"China, that's gross. Don't go lifting your shirt up every five seconds. As a police officer, I'm going to have to arrest you for indecent exposure." He really hoped the terse brevity of his tone masked the way his voice cracked near the end of his sentence and the way his heart immediately sped up.

Sougo might or might not have failed to meet Kagura's gaze for fear of catching something further _south_ of his vision, and if she caught on, she did a good job ignoring his unusual shift in behavior.

"Huh? What's wrong with you? Look at me, Sadist."

Damn. Spoke too soon.

Sougo quickly composed himself and did so with lackadaisical movements. He gently pushed his rival off with a nonchalant brush of his hand, his imminent sigh masking more than he was leading on. "Nothing, nothing. China's ugliness is burning my eyes, that's all."

"The hell'd you say, bastard?!"

Okay, so maybe that wasn't the best way to handle the situation.

He had to admit though, the warmth Kagura radiated within such close proximity of him was definitely a plus. Even if he was being throttled half to death.

Win his verbal battle with China, check. Make an excuse to spend time with her, check. Get tricked into exploiting his dear wallet, check. Spend more time with her, check. Say something wrong and almost regret it, double check. Leave with a limp and a chipped tooth and blame it on Hijikata-bastard... Well, that could wait until after his physical beat-down (It's surprisingly rare for China to be initiating so much contact with him, after all).

'Ah, all in a day's work.'

"Gyah! Not my man-berries, China! How will our children come out looking drop-dead gorgeous with beautiful flowing hair and matching sets of blue and red eyes?!"

"... What."

Shit.

**Author's Note:**

> My first okikagu fic posted on ao3. sorry it's plotless trash


End file.
